Snail Mail Revolution - Part 1

I have had a number of requests inquiring how to get into pen-paling. Yeah I know my Instagram feed and Facebook feed have been flooded with photos of mail...incoming and outgoing. With RAKs (random acts of kindness) thrown in for good measure.

I have been writing one pen-pal for close to a year now. Once I got a smartphone I immediately created an Instagram account. I had been so jealous of those able to use it up until I was able to join the craze. I have found sharing photos + words via Instagram and then onto Facebook to be a simple way to almost "blog" since I have found blogging to be mostly emotionally and physically draining. Once I joined Instagram I started to not only follow family and friends but those who had an interest in Project Life. One person that I had started to follow announced that her mailbox was beginning to feel lonely, so she was on the lookout for new pen-pals. I found myself leaving her a message. I believe she had the stipulation that you had to be around 20 years-old or older. We emailed each other about ourselves and she felt that we were a good match and a week or so later I received my first letter.

So how do you get into pen-paling? Well if you are on Instagram you can look up the hashtag #penpalswanted for starters, though I do so with a word of warning. The first time I looked up the hashtag I actually felt OLD. Many of those looking for pen-pals on Instagram seem to be in their teens and many times 30 is the cut off age. (When did 32 become too old?)

I also commented on someone's post that was looking for pen pals and received an email that was very fishy. The person said they were from Texas, grew up in the US, were Christian and claimed that it was through God that we were able to connect. She couldn't wait to get to know me better and maybe someday visit my country. And maybe we could even possibly become more than friends. More than friends? She also shared two photos. All of this was written in broken English. Hard to believe considering this individual had attended graduate school. Tom did a search on one of the photos and it popped up with many different names associated with it.

So it would seem that searching for pen-pals via Instagram would be a waste of time and even possibly harmful. I do actually have 4+ new pen pals that I did find through Instagram. How can you tell that someone is sincere and would make a great pen-pal? Look at their feed. See what kind of photos they share. If someone is invested in writing letters they will take the time to take good photos of their mail...both incoming and outgoing. I have come across one individual that is sending letter(s) each Monday to complete strangers from all over the world. Jamie has a blog dedicated to sharing photos called Sincerely, Moi. Here she explains her project and reasons for why she is doing it. I was lucky enough to receive letter #10. I shared a flipagram of it on Instagram but you can also see it on her blog here.

So if you are a little nervous about searching for pen pals using #penpalswanted try these hashtags: #happymail, #snailmail, #showandmail and #snailmailrevolution. You will find tons of photos of what looks like very fun mail. The kind of mail that you would want to receive in your mailbox. There are some though that won't be looking for pen-pals at present. It just means that they have just the amount where they can continue to send quality mail. But many times I will follow them because I just find what they are sharing to be inspiring. Snail mail really has been taken to the next level for many. There are even those who are claiming that pen-paling is helping to save the USPS. :)

If you are on Facebook (even if you don't get on it often) I would recommend joining the group Snailmail Friends. I actually discovered this group just as it was being started via Instagram. It is an awesome group of mostly females from all over the world. We started off sharing a little about ourselves and then left comments asking if a certain person was interested in being pen pals. Being part of this group has caused my number of pen-pals to skyrocket. I honestly haven't counted how many pen-pals I have because I'm literally too scared to count. And I keep adding more! (I know! I'm nuts! But that person is from a country I don't have!) It is such a friendly group with a very supportive atmosphere. It isn't a group aimed at just finding pen-pals, but we also share ideas and photos with each other. It is in this group that I discovered what a mail tag was, what things are good to include in your first letter, how to put together a pen-pal album, how to make a pen-pal mini book, etc. There are documents on where are the best places to find stationary, mail tag ideas, resources for finding free printables, websites and blogs that provide inspiration for taking your mail to the next level. Nowhere in this group is your address listed. Others have to personally contact you for that information. You are welcome to share your Instagram account, where you are from, etc. but it isn't required.

There are other Facebook groups aimed at helping you find pen-pals, and I joined one of them. I have to say that I was really creeped out! There were constant reminders that it wasn't a dating group and there were quite a few older men on the lookout for pen-pals. Maybe they were sincere, but there is just something wrong about a 50+ year old man writing a 15 year old teen girl. Needless to say I quickly took my exit from that group and have stuck with just Snailmail Friends.

If you are neither on Instagram nor Facebook, or if you don't feel comfortable finding pen-pals through those venues, I would suggest starting with writing to your family and friends. Does that sound silly? My love for writing letters started when I was young. I would write my grandma and cousins, and once my family moved to Washington I wrote my friends letters. I actually wrote my 4th grade teacher for many years. My family now refers to her as Aunt Myra. I have also written to my youngest sister off and on over the last few years. We stopped writing letters when I moved to Utah, (she lives in Utah too), but we have recently started up again. What can I say? We both love getting happy mail. :)

So get off of your computer, find a piece of paper and pen and get writing! Don't feel pressured that you have to be creative or include a lot of goodies with your letters. Happy mail is happy mail! Trust me...a handwritten letter is always appreciated. As the quote by Phyllis Theroux says, "To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart".

(Curious about what a mail tag, pen pal album and pen pal mini book are? Stay tuned and I'll share examples and resources where you can learn more and be inspired at the same time.)
                                                            

One Little Word 2013: Hope

 

As some of you know hope has been my focus for this year. It seemed appropriate as one of the most difficult years of my life was coming to a close. I quickly learned how faith, hope and charity are tightly intertwined. Many times we focus on faith and charity and seem to leave out hope. I first blogged about my love for the word hope here.

I am once again taking a class online where at the beginning of each month we are given a prompt to make our word (focus) more visible in our lives throughout the year. I blogged about my one little word for last year here.

Even though hope is one of my most favorite words, I have come to realize the depth that this one small word holds, and how much I had to learn about the power that it holds.

We were given the prompt to make 12 intentions using our word for this year. I really struggled and wasn't even sure what was realistic to hope for. Not until I worked on a hope collage that was the prompt for February using magazines I already had, some from my sister and some even pulled out of the recycling, did this word, hope, begin to take root in my heart. For I knew with a surety that this year would be a year of change, and with the limited strength I had I needed something to hold onto, and that was hope.



Being surrounded by darkness I found out how difficult it can be to hold onto hope and not let fear take over. Having the faith that if what you hope for doesn't turn out the way you expected that it is not the end. Heavenly Father has something else in mind, so you see where you are at and refocus and put your trust in God. Much easier said than done.

My 12 hopes for this year are broad in nature because under each one I have some specific hopes of a personal nature and some involvinvg those around me.

1. Discovering Hope
2. Cultivating Hope
3. Hope in God's Timing
4. Hope in Moving Forward
5. Hope in Strengthening Relationships
6. Hope in Sharing My Story
7. Hope in Healing
8. Hope in Embracing Charity
9. Hope in Forgiveness
10. Hope in my Redeemer
11. Hope for an Open Heart
12. Hope to Walk in the Light

It is now October, and the year is coming to an end. I think back to two years ago when the signs of depression started to emerge but when I was blind to them. Little did I know what was in store for me. I think back to a year ago when I believed my journey with depression and anxiety was coming to an end. I believed that November and December were to be months to grieve the many loses I had experienced and to find healing of my soul. Little did I know then that my health was beginning to fail. That choices I had made earlier in the year and issues that had traveled with me for many years were surfacing, and it would be a long journey. One that continues on today.

Today I think about this year and the many hopes that have seemed to be unfulfilled. How much could really happen in a little more than two months? Is this truly my year of hope?

Earlier this year before we moved but knew we would be, I was prompted to write down nine sayings that others tell me, I tell myself and I added what Heavenly Father tells me.

1. This is a year of hope.
2. Forgive yourself.
3. Hope for new doors to open.
4. You will end up where you are needed and where your needs will be met.
5. Don't give up on hope.
6. Hope can light the way.
7. I have a purpose and a path.
8. "Hope On. Journey On." -Elder Holland
9. Heavenly Father loves ME

I have learned this year that holding onto hopes isn't as easy as it seems. Many times I have wanted to give up hope on situations or certain people. Hope many times seemed to = pain for me. And those are times where my faith was failing. For hope is to cherish a desire with anticipation, to expect with confidence, to trust, and a desire accompanied by expectation of or a belief in fulfillment or success.

This year thus far has turned out nothing like I had imagined. But I was looking at it with my own mortal eyes and not those of my loving Heavenly Father.

"When you feel that there is only a thin thread of hope, it is really not a thread but a massive connecting link, like a life preserver to strengthen and lift you. It will provide comfort so you can cease to fear, strive to live worthily and place your trust in the Lord."

-Elder Richard G. Scott

 

And so I continue to hope and not give up. I do small actions of faith to help me carry onward with the expectation that my hopes will be fulfilled in the Lord's time. Simple things like buying a special box that will one day hold letters that I will always cherish, framing a photo of a loved one, following a prompting even when I don't have the desire to do it, etc.

 

"...but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass..."

-Alma 37:6





"Fresh Courage Take"

"Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say "No," the courage to say "Yes." Decisions do determine our destiny.

 

The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. It has ever been so, and so it shall be."

-Thomas S. Monson

 

The minute Tom read me the email that BYU was wondering if he was still available to be a visiting professor I knew he would get an offer. I knew it even though in the very beginning he was in second place for the position. Moving to Utah was not in my plan or my hope, and so I held on that he would find a job in Eugene. It is was what both of us wanted more than anything.

 

Tom noticed online that there was a job opening at BYU for a full-time math professor. Back in the day it had been Tom's dream to teach at BYU. To follow in his father's footsteps, but the thought of working with those who taught him daunted him, and he decided that isn't what he wanted after all. Plus while going to school and teaching at the University of Oregon he discovered that his heart was in teaching. Not in research. For those of you that don't know to teach at a research university in math you need a post-doctorate. It is kind of like a residency. A couple of years to give you more experience and to really focus on research with the hopes that you will get a few papers published. BYU requires a post doctorate which Tom does not have. So when Tom told me he applied for the job I just shrugged my shoulders. We both knew there was no chance that they would even consider him for the position. Little did I know what Heavenly Father had in store for us.

 

Heavenly Father made it crystal clear where our lives needed to head next. Just as he did when it came time for us to leave Provo and head to Eugene where Tom would work on getting his Ph.D. I believed that the University of Oregon was more like a pit stop along our path to where we were ultimately headed. I had come to accept that we would be returning to Utah where we would most likely live for the majority of our lives. The price I would pay for marrying someone from Provo. But throughout the six years that we lived in Eugene (we didn't realize the program was six years) we both came to love it and it became home for the both of us.

 

I sometimes wake up and wonder how did I get here. Especially considering my physical health, mental health and emotional health. I can't believe that Heavenly Father would ask me to leave my psych nurse, therapist and nurse practitioner. Sure I can find all three here in Utah, but two of them I met with for nearly two years. But Heavenly Father gave the call and somehow I drudged up the courage to say "Yes." I know without a shadow of doubt that Tom and I are supposed to be here in Utah, in this exact apartment and in our exact ward. Just like I knew when we moved to Eugene.

 

But for me, saying "Yes" was the easy part. The actual packing up and driving out here seemed unreal. It really felt like we were just going on vacation for a week as we stayed at Tom's parent's house until we could move into our townhouse. We have been truly blessed by family and friends who helped us get here at every stage of our move.

 

We have almost been in our townhouse for a month. Much time has been spent on figuring out where to put furniture, buying some "new" furniture, unpacking, rearranging and even more shopping. More than enough to keep us busy but overall it has been a very difficult month for me. Tom has often heard me say, "I want to go home." He always asks in return, "Eugene or Heaven?" The answer varies depending on how I'm doing emotionally.

 

It is hard because there are so many people we want to reconnect with here. We have family from all four sides, Tom's full immediate family, my sister and brother, and countless friends. But I am physically spent and feel like hibernating. There is still so much to do to make our townhouse feel like home. I even have on the wall "Love the heart of this home." Every time I pass it on the stairs I think to myself, "That is a lie." I feel that all the faith that I have built up over the past two years is leaking through a sieve.

 

"Brothers and sisters, this is a divine work in process, with further manifestations and blessings of it abounding in every direction, so please don't hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith."

-Elder Jeffery R. Holland

 

I do know that we are where we are supposed to be. What is supposed to happen over the next two years as we are traveling this new path I do not know. This quote reminds me that I need to focus on what I do know and continue to have faith in Heavenly Father's plan for us here in Utah. And there are days where I am back to where courage is choosing to breathe. And I'm sure I will experience many more days like that. Many times these words come to mind as I struggle through the everyday.

 

"In that imaginary instant, I couldn't help calling out to him: "Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead." Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

-Elder Jeffery R. Holland

 

And so I continue to trudge onward. Organizing, unpacking, painting and doing a little decorating with the knowledge that in time this will feel like home. "If we now shun the fight? Gird up your loins; fresh courage take. Our God will never us forsake. And soon we'll have this tale to tell. All is well! All is well!"



Project Life 2013: Week 1

It is hard for me to believe that we are in week 21 of this year. In so many ways the time has dragged by slowly, and in others it has quickly passed by. I am behind on Project Life (no surprise there), but I actually do have more than just one week completed. :o)

Some people start their weeks with Monday through Sunday. Sunday has always been the beginning of the week for me, so that is where each week starts. Now the first of this year was on a Wednesday. When I take the photo a day approach, I will put that picture in that day's slot. That meant that this year I had some extra spaces to fill at the beginning of the layout. It varies year from year what I fill it with. I usually don't worry about it until the end of the year, but this year I decided to tackle it first.

The top left card is a card that was designed to be used for the title page. I trimmed it because I wasn't a fan of the clock motif in the right bottom corner. I wanted to use the card though because it says "Living Life One Day at a Time." And that is exactly what I am doing with the help of loved ones.

The orange card is one of Becky Higgins's freebies that can be found on her blog. It is her reason for creating Project Life products and very much influences the way she lives her life. "Part of Cultivating a Good Life is Celebrating the Little Things." And that pretty much sums up what Project Life is all about. By capturing the everyday moments I come to realize how important they are and how much they influence the big things in life.

I am a lover of quotes, so don't be surprised to find them spread throughout my album. :o) I have been known to buy scrapbook paper and then want to create a memory so that I can use my new favorite product. Yes, that is a little backwards. Ha! I sometimes can get caught up in trying to get the best photo that I forget to really experience the moment. I have felt plenty of guilt for forgetting to snap a photo because I got too caught up in the moment. That is O.K. It means that I was living in the moment instead of worrying about capturing it on my camera.  I've learned that my favorite photos I have taken are ones that are candid and unplanned.

January 1st my parents, Tom and Chris paid a visit to the Ridgefield Wildlife Refuge. I picked three photos from the experience and had Tom do the journaling since I wasn't there. Two of the photos were taken by Chris I believe and one by my dad. (He loves capturing shots of birds.)

January 2nd Chris drove my mom and I around Vancouver. I was on the hunt for the perfect pair of jeans for Chris (part of his Christmas present). Chris learned quickly earlier last year that taking photos is important to me. If he is out and about with us he usually takes on the role of photographer. It is such a HUGE blessing because he gets shots that I never would. And yes I actually end up in some of the photos. :o)

January 3rd was quite a full day. Chris helped my mom put away some Christmas decorations, and a song came on that she loves, and she started to dance. My mom is known for her zest for life, and she had Chris join her, and he actually did! He was shocked that she actually knew how to dance (her father taught her). Chris also got his first experience chopping wood with my dad. I think Chris experienced many "firsts" with my family, and he was a great sport about it all. We also headed back to Eugene.

January 4th I made a trip to Kohl's. My youngest sister asked if I had gotten the new Dr. Seuss animals. I wasn't aware that they were the choice for Kohl's Cares for Kids at that time. They had different animals around black Friday. I was disappointed to find out that they were out of Horton. We have been wanting to add him to our ever growing collection. But I did bring home these two. The alligator is in Dr. Seuss's "ABC" book and the yellow one is in his "Sleep Book" (this story has the ability to make me tired and ready for bed). Tom was excited for both. For the journaling I had Tom write his top 10 reasons for loving Dr. Seuss. You will also note a tab that says, "Remember this*." It pulls out to share something kind Chris did for us that I felt was important to document and remember but that didn't have a photo to illustrate it.

January 5th Tom made a trip to WinCo to stock up on groceries since we had been out of town and were running out of food. I found it funny that WinCo still had their Christmas paper bags for bagging groceries. I included the receipt and circled the total cost.

I had fun putting together the insert for week one. My brother-in-law got me to try "Draw Something," and before I knew it many of us were drawing pictures back and forth to each other. I like my inserts to be smaller than 12x12 so that they are sandwiched between the weekly layout. This page protector is Design F that I trimmed down. All the photos are screenshots that I took with my smart phone. I cropped them to 3x4 in Photoshop Elements.

The other side of the insert showing more of the drawings that were sent my way. I thought about putting what word was being drawn but thought it would be fun to look back and see if I could still guess them. :o) I just have to say my brother-in-law is amazing! I don't know how he draws such detailed photos and his screen is smaller than mine! I attribute it to the fact that he just finished up medical school. Ha!

A close up of the top of the backside of the insert. I cut the card out on my cameo. I took a screenshot of the kind of options you are given of what to draw and cut it out. I wanted to show a little more detail on how "Draw Something" works. The harder the word the more coins you earn. If you collect enough coins you then can buy a new set of colors to draw with. It is nice having a game where I don't feel stupid. ;o)

Project Life 2013: Title Page

I know that I've shared a photo of my title page on Facebook via Instagram, but I thought I would share some close-up shots and why I chose to set it up the way that I did. It may seem simple, but the title page is actually usually the last part completed of the year being documented.

I based some of my cards off of other people's title pages that I found on Pinterest. I love scraplifting (using someone's ideas as a starting point) and making them work for me. With each Project Life kit comes cards to use for the title page. Not a single one made it onto the spread this year. That isn't normal for me but what I wanted to include just didn't allow room.

Somewhere on the title page you will always find the year being documented. The TWENTY 13 was cut on my cameo (die-cutting machine). I bought the shape in the Silhouette Store. The card that is backing it may have been one of the cards that was supposed to be used on the title page or back page. I added the hello epoxy sticker for a little embellishment. What can I say? I love adding dimension. :)

The C.S. Lewis quote was a freebie give by Elise Blaha Cripe. She actually designed one of the editions that came out early this year called Seafoam. This quote really sums up my hopes for this year. I am hoping that 2013 is very much different than 2012. It is just as difficult so far, for some of the same reasons and for some different ones. When my mom read the quote she mentioned how in the next life we will find better things. No. I'm talking about THIS year. That I left 2012 behind and that this year holds better things than I left behind.

The upper right card was very much inspired by someone else. The column of days was cut on my cameo. The black square is where I am planning on putting a photo. I'm thinking of a feet shot. I'm not sure why, but I have been in love with those shots for a couple of years. Maybe because it is a different way to show who is present. (Or it could be the fact that there is nothing I can complain about the way I look).  :)

The "At the Start" cards are actually from the Seafoam edition. I saw how someone used it, and I decided that I wanted a place where I could include where each of us are at the beginning of this year. I own the card digitally and pulled it into Photoshop Elements to change the colors so that they match with the other cards. There is a card for Tom, Chris and me. As I have mentioned before on Facebook via Instagram (I'm seeing a pattern here), this year Tom and I are including a third person's point of view. Chris has really become like family, so I asked him at the beginning of the year (or the end of last) if he wanted to take part, and he gladly accepted. I had each of us fill out a questionnaire, and that is what you will find on each of the cards though I added the cuddling question for fun. :) I also included a wood veneer on each card. In the scrapbooking world you will find those little people referred to as "Potty People" or "Restroom People" since they are the silhouette of what you will find on public bathrooms to indicate which bathroom is for the girls and which one is for the boys. Here are the cards close up:
 

 

With my card you will notice that I've edited out some information. From time to time you may see me do that since my life is very much influenced by others, and I want to respect those boundaries.

At the end of this year I hope to have us fill out similar questions and see how much has changed from January to December. This year will most definitely bring more changes.

The other card inbetween these will hold another photo. I'm thinking of a shadow shot with the three of us. Another go to photo shot for me. :)

The bottom left card will hold a headshot photo of us or something similar. I like including pictures taken actually during the year to include on the title page. I don't even think I have a photo of the three of us. The three flags say memories, hope & together. I chose to include the word hope because it is my One Little Word for this year.

The bottom right card is a saying cut with my cameo that I bought in the Silhouette store. It is something that I need to be reminded of often. I can get caught up in the doom and gloom and forget that there really are those out there that love me and are keeping me in their prayers. And ultimately I am loved by my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Project Life

I have mentioned Project Life before via Instagram and Facebook, but I know most of you that read my blog are not scrapbookers, or you once were but just don't have the time anymore.

At the end of 2008, Creating Keepsakes was selling a scrapbook kit titled "Project 365" designed by Becky Higgins. I didn't know a whole lot about it except for what the magazine had to say about it. My first reaction was that there was no way I could take a photo every single day for 2009. Sounded crazy to me! But as the thought mingled in my brain and I saw photos of the kit I began to have a change of heart. I wasn't actually doing much scrapbooking for myself and "Project 365" was designed in an easy way to capture the everyday moments, moments that usually didn't end up on a "traditional" scrapbook page.

The morning it went on sale I was at my parent's computer ready to purchase. The site was overloaded with people trying to buy the kit. I don't know how many times I would almost get to submit payment just to have to start all over again. I was exhausted (I think it may have been New Year's Eve the evening before) and tempted to go back to bed and try later in the day. But something caused me to keep trying and somehow I was able to grab two kits, one for my mom and one for me. Turns out that the kits sold out in record time and there were many unhappy with Creating Keepsakes for not being prepared. I don't think they realized how popular this idea was going to be. I felt so blessed that I listened to the prompting and didn't go back to bed.

Becky Higgins then quit working for Creating Keepsakes and started her own company. Everyone was on pins and needles wondering if she was going to come out with a new kit. People wanted to keep documenting their lives using her system. She did indeed come out with a kit titled "Project Life" (it is now referred to as the Cherry Edition). This time she made the kit so that you could do a photo a day, capture a week at a glance or a month or even do it just by events in your life. It was more versatile. I believe the first batch sold out, and she had to order a second one.

Since then the concept & products of Project Life have grown by leaps and bounds. Becky Higgins has partnered up with American Crafts (huge scrapbooking manufacturing company) so that Project Life will be available for retailers to sell (starting next month). Project Life just recently made its TV debut on HSN, where two editions were available to buy at a special price, and they went like hotcakes. Other scrapbooking companies are now following the trend and are providing cards/page protectors/cardstock, etc. that you can either mix with Project Life products or use on your own.

The concept is genius and is one that anyone at any age can do. I am in my fifth year of doing Project Life. 2009, 2010 and 2011 I took the photo a day approach. Last year is still in the works, but I am taking the weekly approach. I knew I wouldn't be picking my camera up as often as I struggled with depression and anxiety. 2012 also includes inserts of memorabilia and extra photos. It looks like it will take up four scrapbook albums while the first three years only took up one each. This year I am back to doing a photo a day with the idea that it would leave me time to work on 2012. Well I loved including inserts so much that I'm doing that again this year and getting a little more creative with the spreads. I'm not scrapbooking "traditionally" yet, so this gives me the perfect creative outlet.

There is a cute short video on Becky Higgins's blog that visually shows what Project Life is all about. If you are at all curious, I definitely recommend watching it. You can find it here.

Project Life has many editions (seven new ones coming out in May) and is also available digitally and on Shutterfly. I am hooked and can't imagine documenting my life without it. I wish that it existed back when I first got married so that I could have the past seven years documented this way.

Project Life Editions I have used:

2009: Project 365 (no longer available)
2010: The Cherry Edition
2011: The Amber Edition
2012: The Cobalt Edition
2013: The Clementine Edition

P.S. I also own Baby for Her Edition (to document my baby years), The Olive Edition (hopefully to document about my grandparents), The Wellington Childhood Mini Kit (document missionary experience), The Bridgeport Childhood Mini Kit (to document our time with Bryce), The Mayfield Childhood Mini Kit (to document our time with Josalyn), The Blush Edition (just because it is my second favorite of the new ones that will be available and I couldn't pass up the good price on HSN), various page protectors, 12x12 envelopes, 6x12 envelopes, 9 Mini Albums, grid cards, patterned paper, cardstock, etc. As you can see I have a weakness for all things Project Life. I'm planning on owning all the editions I don't buy in physical format digitally (ummm...have already purchased a lot). Next on my list...The Honey Edition!

P.S.S. I am hoping to share Project Life 2013 pages here on my blog. I thought before I do I would share a little more information so that you know exactly what it is I'm sharing. :o)

My Reason

Many of you know that I am a fan of Josh Groban. I have been since I first heard him sing. I thought he must be in his late 30's or early 40's with such a voice. Little did I know that he is my age. :o) Josh has recently come out with a new album. I have only listened to two of the songs, and I own the single "Brave." As I started to listen to it more closely and looked up the lyrics, I became puzzled. It made me also reflect on my own life because so many of the lyrics relate to my life and how I have felt for over a year now. I love the chorus but it is the last two lines that has caused me to reflect on my experiences over the past year and what I'm experiencing now.

"You wanna run away, run away and you say that it can’t be so.
You wanna look away, look away but you stay cause’ it’s all so close.
When you stand uṗ and hold out your hand.
In the face of what I don’t understand.
My reason to be brave."
 

There have been so many instances when I have wanted to run away, whether that meant jumping into the car and driving off, leaving the apartment with Tom chasing me down and following me, (making sure I stay away from the river), or having moments where I wanted to physically end my anguish. I thought moments like these were behind me, but once again, as I have been struggling with my physical health, which also makes the emotional & mental more difficult, I have wanted to run. And nothing has scared me as much as an unpremeditated episode that took place the beginning of January. My therapist asked me, "What stopped you?" when yet another attempt was made later. What is my reason?

 

I wish I could look away; sometimes I can compartmentalize my actions so that I'm not haunted by memories. My psych nurse even has a hard time imagining what I've had to tell her at times. She looks at me and just can't simply see it. But there are moments where it does hit me strong, and I can't look away.

 

Recently a close friend was in a car accident. He was on his bike and was hit in a cross walk. At first I thought, 'a cross walk of all places!' He has biked both coasts more than once. He is an avid biker and has had moments where he has had to jump off a road with his bike for his safety. He wants to bike cross country once he retires. When I heard the news, (and not much was known then), my heart stood still. It was like time stood still, and I pleaded with God that he wasn't dead or dying. He is like an uncle to me. He has been there for me in all the big events of my life. He even created a nickname for me that now all his family members call me. My friend, (his daughter), and I rode down to southern California to pick him up from one of his biking trips, and we spent three days at Disneyland. I went on a small roller coaster with just him. It was one that he would never had gone on had his sister not encouraged him. She has since passed away. It was a moment for me to share that experience with him. I love him dearly, and life wouldn't be the same without him. Thank goodness for miracles! He is alive and I'm told improving a little each day.

 

But it caused me to reflect on the gift of life. Tom found me next to the couch crying my heart out. I felt that I had been so selfish. In my weakest moments I don't care how my actions will impact my loved ones. Thinking about how life would be so different for myself and especially for my friend's family made my heart heavy. I couldn't look away. And once again I contemplated what is my reason for being brave? For stopping before it is too late?
 

For almost over a year I wouldn't have been able to give you an answer. In those short moments what caused me to turn away? I am physically, emotionally, and mentally weak. It is hard for me to mentally take in much. Poor Tom. So many times I've cut him off mid sentence telling him I can't take any more. My brain just can't process it. Emotionally I'm still struggling with depression and anxiety. I never imagined in a million years that I would still be struggling this long. My physical weakness has a lot to do with why I'm still struggling. I'm getting stronger, but there are days that taking a shower drains me of all energy for the entire day. I have to take at least one nap a day. I don't sleep through the night very well, and I often wake up at 4:30am and am not able to fall back to sleep. Overall I'm one weak individual. So what keeps me moving forward? What is my reason for being brave?

 

Many of you know and share my religious beliefs. Some of you may not. I believe that we existed before we came to earth. That we are literally spirit sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. Our spirits are sent to earth to gain a body, learn, grow, experience the good and the bad and ultimately become more like our Heavenly Parents. A soul is the combination of body and spirit. My body is weak, but I have been impressed upon that my spirit is strong. Stronger than I realize.

 

My reason for being brave? I wish I could say that at the last minute I think of loved ones or how I still have a full life to live, but I do not. I don't completely understand it all, but I believe it is because my spirit is strong. It causes me to turn around at the last minute, move forward, hang on for one more day...I strongly believe it is a HUGE reason why I'm still here. It is my reason for being brave.

 

Watch the Music Video Here